Finding a Park Bench

Searching for Stillness 

by Janine Simons

The sun breaks forth over the mountainside, announcing the day, heralding the dawn.  I am thankful for this new beginning.  It reminds me that I, too, can begin anew.  I can make changes I need to – I can take charge of my life. I have the power within to do so. 

This dawning also brings gratitude.  I do have another day.  The game is not over.  Last night’s score is not the final tally.  Gratitude.  Thanksgiving.  Joy. 

I sense the lack of stillness within me.  How easy it is to neglect it!  How quickly I move, rushing from this to that – so hurried that I fail to see the downcast eyes of my inner soul.  I miss, too, the tear of neglect, which runs down her cheek.  And then I go on to brush aside these same tender feelings in my living offspring. 

I must look into the eyes of my soul.  I must look deeply and acknowledge my needs and then go forth to do all I can to meet them.  Once my soul is satisfied, I can reach out to recognize the tear, the fear and the pain of those around me. 

What is it that I lack?  It is stillness.  It is meditation.  It is innerness.  I must not confuse this with selfishness for if I neglect myself, how can I ever help another? 

No, it is the entering into the quietness of my center.  Not for a moment only but for a lingering, long enough to pause and look and take in all around me.  This I must do.  Each day, everyday, before I greet even one other person.  Is this prayer?  In a way, but it goes beyond this.  Is this something that I could do after I pray?  Absolutely.  In this stillness I may find the answers I seek. 

The sun rises higher in the sky.  I am renewed.  I have entered into my center and acknowledged my need.  I am now satisfied.  I desire to keep this place, this sanctuary, a sacred place for me.  I don’t want to be discovered while in my center.  The hour must be right.  I must come here early and I must come frequently.  I must trust that this can be the haven that I seek.