Losing Our Way in the Darkness 

The Fire Within 

by Janine Simons

First Place, League of Utah Writers, 2002 Olympics Essay Contest

I sit now gazing out toward the sun-kissed West; the lengthening shadows still my thoughts.  Slowly, the sun slips behind the distant desert island.  This, our daystar, has shone and warmed us through our work and play.   Just before it disappears from sight, it has one final gift to give.  With quiet elegance, a blaze of fire bursts forth to fill the evening sky.  And then, it is gone. 

Each day, I nurture, work, and provide.  Now my thoughts turn inward.  What gifts are buried within me?  What passions, what dreams lay still beneath the surface?  What must I do to call them forth?                                                                                                                    

I hesitate to search the quiet recesses of my soul.  For if I find a gift, I must own it and respond to its call.  Once I feel the fire within, I must share the flame. 

With faltering steps, I begin this journey of discovery.  My exploration reveals only fears and doubts, at first.  I retreat, wondering if I will find anything worthy of this effort.  Then a whispered “Yes!” flows into my tremulous spirit.  With this simple spark of faith, the way is lit before me.  

I raise this kindling to the darkness and peer over the firewalls of fear.  These walls, placed long ago in ignorance, protect my fragile flame.  Now, with clear eyes, I see the hidden treasure.  My cast-off dreams and retired passions lay smoldering.  My excuses of old pale in this abiding glow.   “I’m too busy.”  “I was never very good at that.”  “I’ll leave this task for someone else.”  At this moment, I realize that time cannot dim the glimmer of pure gold.  Refined by the fire of wisdom and experience, it lies glittering before me.  

I kneel gratefully as the walls give way.  From my spark of faith, a flicker of hope.  Gently, I breathe new life into these precious metals.  I will make time for this dream to come true.  I will take courage to revive that passion.  I carefully place this newfound wealth into the protective care of hope and bring it out into the light. 

And now, like the sun, I, too, have gifts yet to give.